My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
