Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
