loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
tell me about the fingering
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