if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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