Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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