I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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