P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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