Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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