I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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