Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
