OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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