apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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