I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ttyl tear gas
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
