you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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