dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
