omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize