I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
