You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
