I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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