I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
