Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
