Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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