Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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