since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
