Jerry, you need to find god
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
