the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
