I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
