I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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