he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
