my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
