You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize