apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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