My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize