I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
