My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
