I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
