Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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