Umm I'm too high to move.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
