Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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