hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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