Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hippo gnu deer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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