paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
