Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When are your genitals available?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
