So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
