can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
