Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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