If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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