people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
