Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
