i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
