He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
