you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
