I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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