You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
