Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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