Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My penis needs a shock collar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
