More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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