Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
