You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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