Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
