I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
too bad you live with your parents still
I looked at my own cervix.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
