i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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