The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
