How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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