I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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