sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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