He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
