its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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