I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
