Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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